Before Me

The before me doesn’t know the now me.  But the now me, remembers the before me. The before me struggled with being known, seen, loved and felt so much pain.  I’m currently allowing the now me to be the before me, even though the before me no longer exists.  I struggle knowing that I am not her any longer. The now me wants so much to be in the now, but the before me still has strings to my heart.  She just needs to pull on a string, and I’m right back there with her, struggling through the same things I’ve always struggled with. How do I let the before me go?  Her story is not my story…she’s a totally different woman from a totally different time. So I sit, in the midst of the struggle with pain exploding through me, rising in me like a tsunami of pain brilliant with reds, oranges, and yellows.  It rises, almost as if vomiting this pain right through me. I am enveloped and consumed with the pain and just as I feel I can no longer bear it, it begins to crash out of me. Onto the shores of hope, love and dreams-come-true. The brilliant tsunami wave, shifts and moves and becomes the beautiful colors of a sunset with pinks, purples and blushing oranges.  I see the sun going down on the horizon of the before me. A star peaks through and now it is night. Before me has passed through and is no longer raging in the waves, but is now sleeping inside me as a memory.

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